Tag Archives: Baby

Same but Different

The birth of Hayden is an exciting new chapter in our lives and a chapter neither of us believed would happen.

Miranda and I both thought the opportunity of having another child was lost when our respective partners passed away. Resigned to the life of single parents all our efforts went into the well-being of the children we had, while also trying to put our lives back together after such tragic events. One day we might fall in love again and assemble some sort of family unit with a new partner, filling the void of our loss. But having a second child was too much of a dream to ask for.

With both of us feeling comfortable in our relationship and the subsequent joining of our family’s. It wasn’t a hard decision for Miranda and I to have a child together. However we both knew it would have to happen sooner rather than later. Neither of us are spring chickens and the gap between any new baby and Alec and Siannah wasn’t going to get smaller.

When Miranda fell pregnant it was happy and exciting news, but for me it was more than that. For the first time since Peta’s passing I felt an excitement for the future. A resetting of my life, as if it was back on track.

Other feelings came over me too. Ones that involved the first time I become a father.

As the family adapts to having a new baby in the house. I can’t help but look back five years ago when Alec was born. The birth of Alec was a amazing and happy moment for Peta and myself. However it also marked the beginning of a very hard ten months as Peta fought against Postnatal depression, which she eventual  lost. This is weighing heavily on my mind as Miranda and I become parents together and start the journey of parent hood with little baby Hayden.

Since Peta’s passing, I constantly replay in my head events that occurred during those hard times. Should I have or could I have done things differently? Would it of made a difference? I have analysed all aspects of our lives together over and over again. Trying to pin point the cause, time period or event when it all went wrong. Of course I can’t. The best I can do is identified many factor’s that contributed to her passing. The benefit of hindsight and none of it can be changed.

The feeling of deja vu seems to happen a lot. Memory’s are constantly flooding back to me as we go about the daily choirs of having new baby in the house. Small things trigger memory’s of Peta and I when Alec was this age and having Peta in the these early memory’s is often hard. A simple memory of washing bottles can lead on to a memory that I may not particularly want to remember or ones that hurt.

Miranda and Peta are completely different woman in nearly all aspects and of course this isn’t our first rodeo. Even so I am always looking out for signs of problems. Doing my absolute best to making sure as a family we are not only surviving, but thriving. After all not everyone gets a second chance.

A Big Change.

As the year comes to an end. An update of the Kethel’s boys is well over due. It’s been a busy year and one of change.

As most of you are aware, Alec and I did a trip into central Australia. While we were preparing for new adventures and adventuring. A lot was going on in the back ground that would change the course of our lives forever.

Way back in early 2017 Alec got a new day care teacher. A lovely lady called Miranda. Or Miss Randa as Alec called her. A couple of weeks into Miranda’s teaching duties the topic of family’s was discussed in class. That afternoon during pick up Miranda pulled me aside. Alec had said “he didn’t have a mother.”

At five o’clock in the afternoon in the pre-kindergarten classroom, Miranda and I had our first of many conversations about a part of our lives that unfortunately we both had in common. Miranda had lost her partner and had a daughter not much older than Alec.

Looking back this was the pivotal moment when everything would change.

Over the next couple of months Miranda and I got to know each other, we often talked during pick up and drop off’s. For some reason I looked forward to picking up Alec more than usual.

We eventually went out on a couple of dates and continued to see each other outside of daycare. I would like to say the rest is history. But like a lot of things in life it is never that straight forward.

I was struggling with the change and Miranda also had her fair share of drama’s in her life. I found it very hard at times and later in the year I broke off the relationship. We still stayed friends and of course we still talked a little. She was Alec’s teacher after all.

I started planning our next big trip and the end of the year passed by with Christmas and the usual end of year celebrations.

In the new year Miranda and I started to talk a lot again. January is a tough time of year for both of us and we supported each other during these times. It was then we both realised we mean more to each other than just friends.

However we had a problem. Alec and I were planning to leave on our next trip in a few months with no set time to come home. We agreed to enjoy each other’s company until I leave and what happens after that who knew. At least we would get that short time together.

Four weeks before we were meant to leave on our trip. I found major problems with the caravan and had to cancel the trip. I was very disappointed not to be traveling but on the bright side I got to see Miranda more. A lot more as it turned out.

Alec and I were spending a lot of time at Miranda’s house. We all enjoyed being a family together. Even if it was only on weekends. It seemed the obvious thing to do was join both our small family’s together. But not till after the trip Alec and I were doing instead of the bigger trip that I had originally planned.

Alec and I left our home to conquer the Simpson Desert knowing that when we return it would be to a new home and a new beginning.


Attending a friend’s wedding together as a family.

As all four of us move forward in our lives together our unique family is constantly learning and changing as we work as one family. We have been blessed that both children get along really well.


It’s crazy how well these two get along……most of the time.

Slowly both children are accepting of Miranda and myself in the roles as mother and father. Even if we are called by our first names. We are very aware of not closing out either lost parent. We openly talk about them with and in front the kids. Neither one of us are trying to be replacement. But to be a mother and father figure that loves and cares about them in the absence of their respective lost parent.

Joining two family’s together no matter what the circumstances, is not aways straight forward and is a constantly evolving process. Some of the settle in process is not so fun. While some is. Getting to experience each others hobbies and interest’s is in the fun category. In our case Miranda’s daughter Siannah does ballet and we got to attend her end of year performance. Miranda and Siannah got to experience camping with us. With two small trips away already. Hopefully plenty more to come. Of course a big trip around Australia together has been spoken about. But first some more important things have to be sorted first.

The first one is to wait till our new baby is old enough to travel. That’s right Miranda is pregnant with our child and is due in May next year. All of us are very excited. Alec and Siannah are showing very little patience and want the baby now. In the mean time we are having lots of discussions about names for the baby.Resized_20181112_154418_9839

This new child will cement us as a family. But it’s more than that. Both Miranda and I alway’s expected to have more than one child with our respective partner’s, and having the joy of bringing up the children with a loved one and as a family. We didn’t get that. Both of us have been raising our children alone, lonely and dealing with loss. We have support from family and friends and thank everyone for the help. But it’s not the same as having the mother or father of your child there for help and support.

This time will be different. Miranda, Siannah, Alec, the new one and myself as one family. We are going to laugh, cry, joke, get angry, and love as a family. Go on epic adventures, play, work, go to school, and just live an amazing life as a family.

Next year we may not be crossing the Simpson desert or tackling Cape York but it’s still going to be one hell of adventure. Bring it on!!


 Happy Christmas and have a wonderful new year.