It’s been 6 years since I last heard your laugh or heard your voice. 6 years is a long time, but 6 years ago today feels like it was only yesterday. The events of that day will never leave me. I still feel the pain and shock of your unexpected passing.
I often feel I want this chapter in my life to end. I am tired of it constantly being in my head and being the pivotal moment in my life. I want to move on and forget that it ever happened. Not to forget you, just the terrible event that happen 6 year ago. The event that changed our lives for ever. I don’t want to be that guy whose wife passed away. I don’t want Alec to be the kid that doesn’t have mother. I am tired of having explain our circumstance to others and I don’t want to feel the constant guilt and regret that I could of done more. One different decision could have sent us in a different trajectory and prevented this terrible event from happening. But I can’t go back in time and life keeps rolling on.
It has been a busy and hectic year. The family continues to move forward. Riding the up’s and downs of life. We decided to do a major renovation to the house Miranda and I brought together. This will be our home to raise our family.
We moved out of the house for three months and are currently now living in it unfinished. The parts that are finished are amazing with all 3 kids having there own rooms now. But it has been tough at times.
Alec finished year one with flying colours. His reading skills are amazing and his maths is not far behind. He has also found a love for soccer and we plan on joining a club this year. I not sure I want to be a soccer dad.
Over the year Alec has grown into a proper boy. Cheeky, talkative and doesn’t stop moving and loves my dad jokes.
He a very much a independent child happy to play by himself and not a follower. I was concerned early in the year. I thought he was having trouble making friends at school. But it turns out he is well liked he just likes doing his own thing. Walking with him though school he get a lot of hello’s. Especially the girls. When I ask him who they are he replies “just a friend”. I then ask him what there names are and he replies casually ” I don’t know “. They all know Alec’s name.
Alec has a amazing imagination. He constantly coming up with plans and idea’s. He gets so absorbed in them and can get a bit upset if they don’t work. He loves Lego and building stuff. I might have company in the garage as he gets older.
As he is growing older and more aware he starting to ask more in depth questions about your passing. I am finding myself freezing and wanting to avoid the topic. I think Alec sensors this and will change the subject. It’s something I really need to work on. Death of a loved one can be difficult to talk about, especially to a 6 year old who lost his mother.
As another year is upon us Miranda and I are busy getting the house sorted and everything ready for the new school year. It’s going to be another busy year. In all the busyness of life I never forget you or the wonderful and amazing person you are. Even during the times when I get angry at you for leaving me in this mess, I never stop loving you and I miss you with all my heart and sole.