To my wonderful wife
It is now 12 months since your passing. I seem to be missing you more as time goes by. The loneliness has set in. I can be with family and friends and still have the feeling. Life just doesn’t seem to have that zing any more.
Reality has final set. I am finding it hard to see my life in the future. Sounds weird I know. I always saw our future together. Raise a family, travel, retire, etc. You were always part of the plan. Well, that plan is no longer. What now?
I no longer feel out of place being a single father. I have got use to the idea and I just accept it as normal. I think Alec being older helps. It still has it moments. I had an interesting comment the other day when I mention I was a single father. “Oh you got custody did you.” Something different.
All the first’s are done. First Christmas, first Mothers and fathers day. You get the idea. They are the hardest and the celebrations always have sadness about them now. Alec got spoiled for Christmas. He got me a present. With some help I suspect. Yes, we went down to Mt Barney. Alec had a ball playing with the other kids. He even played cricket for the first time.
Alec is growing so fast. He is saying words and understands everything I say. He’s a smart little chap. We are going through a wiggle stage a the moment. Oh what fun.
We are not far from leaving on our big trip. Really looking forward to having some time off. Escape the rat race and chill. No doubt there will be some challengers as we travel. I guess that is part of the fun. Hopefully this time off will do me some good.
I am glad the year is over. More than enough sadness for everyone. We have had some great times as well. Alec gives me the greatest joy and keeps me going. He seems to know and understand when I am having a rough time. He will sometimes give me a pat on the shoulder and a little snuggle.
Well, any way I must keep going. I have so much to do before we leave.
Alec and I miss you.